Hey there! I'm Caroline Henry, a newlywed (going on 3 weeks since the wedding, so I'm basically an expert, right?!) and an employee for The NewlyWed Box. This month's box is all about communication, and let me tell you... I KNOW the struggle. When you first move in together as a married couple, communicating is definitely not as simple as you'd think it'd be. Or at least, that's how it's been for me and my husband, and maybe you can relate.
We didn't live together before we got married, but we had been dating for over 4 years. In those 4 years, I thought I had learned everything I needed to know about his habits and weird routines. I was prepared for shoes scattered around the apartment and dried toothpaste in the sink. But, good Lord, I had a lot to learn. He started driving me crazy (even while on our honeymoon, read about that here) as soon as we came home with things like...
- Questioning the way I clean things. I'll be the first to admit: I can be a little anal about how things should be cleaned, (aka, don't just rinse off a spoon and stick it back in the drawer.) but c'mon now. It's not that hard.
- Leaving cabinets open after he's done with them. Does this one really need to be explained?! Like, really... who does that? Especially in a TINEY apartment that two people are trying to live in?
- Wanting to rest. A lot. This one I can mostly understand. But we still had a ton of gifts to find places for, thank you notes to write, and my stuff to unpack. I was not ready to be lazy every night of the week.
- Not offering to help with making lunch or doing laundry. Now, this one is not entirely on him. I do kinda take charge when it comes to that. But still, an offer to help would be nice!
Anyway, you get the point. There were quite a few things that I didn't expect to get under my skin when we first moved in together. But let me tell you what I did about it. I didn't skulk in anger and wait for the perfect moment to show him everything he was doing "wrong." I didn't yell at him or tell him he had to do something or not do something. What I did do was communicate. And it was hard. It required me to put down my guard, fess up to how I was feeling, and approach him as my teammate, not my opposition.
After we talked through these things, and some things that I was doing to drive him crazy, (I know, I know, no one's perfect...) we figured out a few ways to meet in the middle and really live together. And that's what we'll keep doing for the rest of our lives, till death do us part.